means

I don't know what it all means
The toing and froing
Taking me out at the seams

It pulls you one way
The next
Pushing them up
Like dead mens bones after the flood

Pressure like the drowned weight of memory
I recall the breath, the glance, the requests of habit
Washed away now, circling that drain
Of monstrous miscalculations.

A bitter taste, toast left too long by the fire
Singed eyebrows and fingers burnt
I'll never know if it was too much or not enough
And again, and again, and again.