Quarantine diaries: day 9

 I think I'm running out of things to day. Last night as I was staring up at the ceiling I think I was running out of things to think. Which is ridiculous because there is so much that I'm going to need to rush to do when I get out of here that it would be in my own interest to figure out the most efficient way of ticking all those boxes, which requires thinking time now. But it's all a bit like travelling through molasses at the moment. There is a sweetness, and a bitter-sweetness to this time, its luxury, its emptiness, its safety. But there is a goal I need to get to, and things I want to do, and this time is slowing me down and holding me back. But it's getting closer to the end with every passing moment, so at least I can see it coming. 

Excellent meal for dinner yesterday - I am inspired to try it when I get out of here. It'll be a nostalgia eat for me ever after. Salmon fillet (I did think it could be trout for a minute) with creme fraiche, mustard, dill and caper sauce. And kipfler potatoes, which I am a big big fan of. How on earth will I cope with regular mum-meals when I have gotten used to lovely little cakes at the end of each meal? I suppose I'll be the one making them once my shipping container arrives with all the baking supplies. 

It will be so strange to go back to having deadlines and cutoffs to getting things done. Here, if I don't wipe down the tables immediately, it's not a big deal at all. Not even a tiny deal. If I don't get up by 7am (which is the arbitrary time I've set for myself), no one will even notice. There won't be any consequences at all - no washing to have hung, no dishes to have done, nowhere to have been late to, no one to get annoyed at my missing something. I fear it will chafe when all that comes back into force. But at least I have a baptism of fire ready and waiting for me. 3 days after I get out it is time to head inland and do ALL the sister wedding things, and I'll be scrapping for time to do daily yoga, let alone sitting and staring at a wall time. All the boxes I had dismantled in my mind, what with the no real teaching/work, no socialising, and the lovely emotionally open home situation in the last 6 months, will need to get built up and organised again pronto just so I can cope without bursting into tears every 10 minutes. But I will cope. Because that's what I do.